I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
