I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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