he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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