The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
