is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
