I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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