the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
