im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
