hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
