oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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