When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
