my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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