You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize