what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
