I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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