I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
