I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
