FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize