Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
