this beer tastes like vomit already
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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