The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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