Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
