Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
