Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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