I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
My orgasm happened in two different decades
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
