Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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