how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
