I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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