grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
