Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
