I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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