ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
