I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
