I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
