Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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