remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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