But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
