somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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