i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
