It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
