Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
