TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
