I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
