I just threw up on my dentist
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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