We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
