my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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