Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Randomize
