I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
