so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize