he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
