While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
