I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
