Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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