I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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