dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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