I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
