well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I understand Curling. That high.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
