Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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