She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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