I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My penis needs a shock collar
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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