just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
