she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
