Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
