You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize