She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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