It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
