did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
