did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize