Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
