Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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