Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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