I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Too much gin, very little bucket
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
