This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We have so much sex to catch up on
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
