me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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