he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
