OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
